Today is the first day of fall. I woke up, drank water with lime and a pinch of sea salt, read, and practiced yoga all before breakfast. I’ve been struggling with my yoga practice lately. I haven’t been wanting to do it at all. But once I flow through the practice of a video that I find online and finish it then I feel good. Actually doing it is a struggle though.
What is it that I’m not facing?
Looking back I think that it started last November. Almost an entire year of feeling very blah around one of my favorite things. I had some major back issues caused by a chiropractor that really stopped me from doing yoga for a few months. After some amazing cupping sessions I was back at it but things just didn’t feel right. They still don’t, it’s a process. I kept showing up on my mat each morning and just being super gentle because I have this fear that I’m going to hurt myself again. I basically do nothing but yin and gentle classes at this point because of this fear that has rooted itself inside me.
In July I went to Lake Placid for a few days and I haven’t wrote about it yet (I will soon!) but it’s my favorite place and coming back from that trip was an adventure all on its own. You know how you love some place so deeply that when you leave you feel like it’s planted a seed that’s still inside of you? Well that’s Lake Placid for me and coming back to PA after that was… well it was miserable. And what happens when I’m miserable? I avoid all of the things that stabilize my mood and make me happy. You know, like a schedule, the outdoors, food, exercise, yoga, meditation. Yeah, all of the things that keep me together, when I need them most I just toss them out the window.
And then August happens and I’m down for the count because I’m sick like the entire month. I went to the doctors three times in August! Three!! If you know me then you know that’s a big deal.
I was more focused on resting than I was on restarting my yoga practice. Finally, September rolls around (who would have ever guessed that a summer obsessed person like me would be excited for September?!) and I am feeling much better. I declare September to be the month of yoga. One hour a day! No excuses! Zen and chill, here I come!
Well, let’s just say that if I were being graded for my yoga attendance and participation this month I wouldn’t be the star student.
September isn’t over yet and I still have a week to turn it around and get it together. Today I was thinking about it being the first day of fall and asking myself why I haven’t been committing the time to yoga.
What is it that I’m not facing?
I think that whatever is behind that question is the key to getting back on my mat. I don’t know the answer right now, but I do know that where I will find the answer is in my practice.
Fall is all about slowing down and beginning to turn in. It’s the time to rest and restore, to bring balance back into our lives. In the summer we’re always go go go and while that is great, it’s also refreshing to take the time once the seasons change to really connect with the Earth and yourself. I’m planning on doing that through yoga. Coming back to my practice in the way that I say I want to so that I can tune in and answer the question, “What is it that I’m not facing?”
I invite you to do the same. Maybe it’s not through the yoga practice, but instead through some other source that you personally connect with. Take the opportunity during this seasonal shift to shift something in your own life too. Tune in and dive into the depths to figure out what it is that you’re not facing. Big or small, it’s all important. Doing the work and showing up, letting your beauty unfold like the vibrant reds and oranges of the changing leaves.